On Why Not To Have Own Children

            When you get thirty, all your female friends of the same age are engaged, or married, or have children and your male friends of your age start to speak like your mom. And everything is about one: the children.

            I am not suggesting this type of question have to emerge around this approximated age, but some of us just because of their particular age indeed have to solve this question: I am thirty, so let’s have a child because actually I am already too old and all my friends and family members would treat me like an outsider. This is the worst solution of your thirtyness I have ever heard but honestly there are many people who think like this.

            So first, we have to define the problem of having children in general. These thirty-year-old-mature-solutions are just casual endings of some situations but with the previous long-time intention of having children. So there’s no wonder (except they are your all life friends who turn into your parents in a while). But if you reach this particular age without any wish of own children, it’s the long-time intention of not having children, and although people are changing and their opinions are changing with the age as well, there are some themes in which there is necessary to be consistent from the first moment. And if you have been always saying that you don’t want to have any own children, there are many reasons for that attitude. I would like to show the main philosophical reasons why not to have children in general.

1.      Global reason

This reason is maybe the most popular or the most known among people who don’t want to have their own children. It considers the density of world’s population and concludes that having so many people in the planet and among them so many children who don’t have parents, that there is almost a moral obligation not to have own children. They would be another ones who have to be fed by the world and the world is small enough to feed so many throats right now indeed. If the population increase more and more, the poorest will allways suffer at the first place.

2.      Genetic reason

The most natural reason for why to have children of every live being is to keep my genes alive, to leave here something of mine when I won’t be here anymore. Every being acts like this – this is one of the keys in natural selection – to maintain my species alive. It’s authomatical primitive act of perserving the species. In all species it’s highly welcomed. Except human kind. Behold – humans don’t reproduce themselves to maintain the human race alive. Today the genetic and authomatical reason was modified. In fact there remains the authomatical non-conscious process, but people want to leave here their own particular gene, not the gene of human race. There’s no wonder – the world is overpopulated so why being afraid of extintion of human race. The reason is highly egocentric: to leave here something from myself in particular. Because of this mutation the institution of having children become strictly conscious egoistic propagation of genes.

3.      Intentional reason

It‘s the continuation of the genetic reason, because it has much to do with egoism. In this case the reason for having children considers the intention of leaving my genes here on the Earth, but before that there is the intention of „I want.“ The very first intention of having children is the thought of wanting. Of wanting something that is probably missing in the relationship of the people or wanting simply justified with genetic reason. There always have to be „I want“ (except when you don’t plan that, of course). And this „I want“ expresses high egoism per se. People usually don’t consider pros and cons in case of having children, although they for example consider pros and cons in case of buying a new sofa. People just want, that’s all, and everything solves itself.

4.      Social pressure

People who somehow reach the age for have children and family and don’t behave like they should according to the society, are psychically persecuted. And this persecution happens mostly inside the family. The family members (especially mothers) talk to you as if you were ill or something. The biggest mistake is to listen to them and finally to fulfil their wishes. This is your life. People shouldn’t be opressed by family, friends and society just because they decided not to have children. And this takes double value in case of abortion. If you get pregnant but have consistent opinion on not having a child, you have the right to act according to your life philosophy!

5.      Career reason

If you are devoted to your job or just like your life as it is (without children), it’s good to think as well, that the children extremely change your personal and professional life, especially if you’re woman. First, you have to spend some time with them at home, then you have to care about them even working and stressing situations are acumulating. Yes, the trends are changing and it could be the man who does the babysitting, but honestly – having children is not only giving birth and then doing nothing. It’s to be stressed all your live from now. Human is the only mammal who needs whole years of care and attention until it stands on it’s own feet (some people live at their parents‘ house until thirty!). Parenthood is the full-time job without discussions.

I intentionally named this article „On Why Not To Have Own Children“ to stress the word „own“, because of course there exists an alternative in adopting the children if you agree with the global reason, and the genetic reason in this case don’t have its base. However, the intentional reason changes its ground, because although there should be wanting, this wanting is different – it’s rather willingness to help the child without parents. It’s definitely not the egoistic „I want“. We can also discard the social pressure reason, because the society always treats your own child in case of persecuting you of not having it. Nevertheless, if you have adopted child, the social pressure don’t stop - it just changes its behaviour. But only real problem with having an adopted child is the last, career reason, because it’s about the fact of having the invader physically at home and if this is the main reason you don’t want to have children, there’s no place for adoption anyway. Only the long-distance adoption. We have news from the child, we know how is he or she being treated, that he or she is well educated and so on. So if we are economcially prepared to care about the child, this is the best way to do that!

But the problem is maybe in the social system itself because in the end it’s cheaper to have your own child because of the help you get from the system. If you decide to adopt the child at a long distance, you don’t get anything. But the idea is still much more noble – to help to raise the child only from your own money. You definitely couldn’t afford this having your own child.